No one can deny that divorce creates stress, trauma & anxiety for both parties. When you find you do not have the capability of changing a relationship or situation, you need the tools, courage, and strength to challenge yourself to flourish and change beyond what has become apparently unchangeable. At the end of the day, that strength will change everything.
Many philosophies and faiths propound the idea that “attachments” initiate a chief source of suffering and grief in our lives. Each of us innately appreciates that ending such attachments, whether it is a person, place or thing, is not so easy! You find your heart held hostage by those attachments, even as you recognize you must fashion dramatic changes for your own well-being. Yet, ultimately, if you think hard about it, you realize that every moment of life is about ‘letting go,’ of something or someone.
Here are 3 techniques to help you ‘let go’ of someone or something that hinders your happiness and welfare:
1. Develop an Awareness of False Beliefs
Depending on the toxicity of a situation, many individuals cling to false beliefs and perceptions about the situation that work to hinder & obstruct the detachment process. When this occurs, learn to focus on the facts surrounding the situation, not your emotions or feelings. Journal the facts of events so you remember the damage caused by those events.
2. Live in the Present & Forget the Past
Don’t allow yourself to become a victim of regrets. In the past dwells those moments shared in a love or situation that has now been damaged. Truly, your memories can bring you joy, but correspondingly, so much sorrow and agony. Learn to forgive, yet nurture your wounds, living in the present. If you embrace the present, the act of forgiving and moving on with the activities of your new life generates a sense of empowerment and liberation. So, instead of focusing on what ‘could have been' or what ‘has been,’ concentrate on what ‘will be’ and ‘what might be.’ Time is simply an illusion. Learn to touch, taste, hear and experience something new at this very moment.
3. Lose Control
Relinquishing control of the situation empowers you to let go. Essentially, you must let go of the reins and trust that you will find your way to a new and even better place. Eliminate the false mindset that says new things are inherently uncomfortable or detrimental. Surrender control and make room for the journey of new beginnings. Shift your focus from your loss to new opportunities. Oprah Winfrey summarizes ‘letting go’ best: “Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.”
Yes, all wounds heal in time, but know you must be active and not passive in the process of healing and moving past the pain. Ask yourself this question: “Are you so caught up in regrets of the past that you prevent opportunity from blossoming in the present?” If so, remember there is no redemption to be found in holding on to the past. So, surrender to the present now. Commit to being there, completely present, and life will take care of the rest. And always remember, it doesn’t matter what’s been done; what truly matters is what YOU DO from here!